Brain Damage - Part 1

OK, so I had a major medical malfunction on 4th of July weekend. Without getting into too many details, I was out of town and had a brain incident. When it happened, I felt something pop in my head, and I was no longer able to stand. I went down, and I don't know whether the trouble I had breathing was related to the fact that I was having a major medical incident, or that I was doing the Fred Sanford in my head (Here I come, Elizabeth). I've thought I was going to die before on Roller Coasters, or riding with a drunk friend on A1A in Daytona Beach, but there was always the probability of survival, death was only a possibility. This was the first time that for a prolonged period of time, like 3 or 4 minutes, I thought I was checking out.

But then I didn't die. But I did have the most incredible headache you can ever believe. It's indescribable. Think about the drunkest you ever got, and then how bad your head hurt in the morning, and then add the power of 3 to that. It was that bad. I couldn't believe I could be alive and in that much head pain.

So, I decided I'd drive home. It was Saturday, I was busy at work, I was only going to be out of town for the day, I was going to work on Sunday and the holiday to meet some bullshit deadlines. One of my friends, however, thought this a poor idea (most thought it a fine idea - get the old dude with a medical condition the fuck out of here). So I was talked into getting checked out at an urgent care place. I told them I had fainted, and had a massive headache, and I just wanted to make sure it was OK to drive 6 hours home before I got checked out by a medical professional. Well they laughed at me like I was Dumbo, and told me that the only Dr. that would see me was at the ER across the street. FUCK. So I went.

They tried to get me to sign releases at the ER, I wouldn't sign. "Take my blood pressure first", I said. "I gotta go home". My friend was incredibly patient through the whole ordeal, because I would have kicked my own ass looking back. Anyway, they took my blood pressure, and it was obscenely high, so something was hideously wrong. I reluctantly signed the papers. I would later find out that those papers said "The aforesigned willingly and without recourse allows this and all medical institutions to deprive the aforesigned of human dignity and all human rights for the next 7 days".

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not dead. But surviving wasn't no peach, neither....

(To Be Continued)