Together

Today, the democrats started their 100 hours of futility, and passed some business about port security. Excellent. Tomorrow, they will hide, waiting for the New Iraq Plan to be leaked, and then Thursday, they will start shitting on it.

Remember Colin Powell and the Pottery Barn rule? You break it, you bought it. We have fucked Iraq up beyond belief because of arrogance, stupidity, greed, obstinence, politics and economics. If we were to leave now, that would be a crime greater than the invasion itself. We didn't promise a civil war when we invaded, we promised a stable democracy. We cannot exit until they have hope of civility. Having taken the first step of deposing and executing their President, our moral obligation is clear - a stable Iraq.

For a stable Iraq to emerge, the recommendations of the panel must be listened to. But they don't match with what our boychild president was told, so he's confused. That's why his daddy got Gates in there, to provide some adult leadership and get us out of this mess.

Nancy Pelosi voted against giving little George the permission to go after Saddam. Not many of her colleagues did. Therefore, the democrats share some culpability in the mess that Iraq has become. 20/20 hindsight should not be a ticket for Iraq becoming a third world country.

Pelosi needs to take responsibility for her party's culpability in Iraq, and she needs to vow to see it through. We can't leave tomorrow, but we can change our focus to training the Iraqi army to do what our soldiers and marines are currently doing. And the only way to do that is to send a shit-ton of people into the area to train, not fight.

The other thing we have to avoid is stupidity. This conflict has confused our military so much that a bulk of the $100 billion annual tab is to position our troops to fight this fight for the next twenty years. Was this a stupid mistake not to be repeated, or is the wave of the future for the United States? Despite Bush's rebuke in November 2006, the military is shaping itself to fight like we fight in Iraq and Afghanistan. And it's not cheap, and it's not smart, as we won't get ourselves into an Iraq-like situation for at least another generation. But we can't tell the military that, because they have to react, so they over-react. A huge bulk of the cost of this war is for the Army and the Marine Corps to change the way they fight, to meet the challenges in Iraq.

So, new democrats, don't crap on the President's plan to increase troops in Iraq. They are there to train and equip, so that we might someday leave with a good conscience. You need to scrutinise the future plans that make each service more like the other, with the Army trying to become more expidtionary and the Marine Corps trying to become more able to handle lengthier engagements.

That is the first place you can make a difference, but you won't, because you will fear the backlash of not supporting the troops, so we will waste about 25billion on shit we don't need because you are scared. good luck.

What Would Jesus Do?

Falwell's at it agin, saying that if Hillary Clinton runs for President, that will energize "his" base more than if Lucifer was running. Hyuk hyuk. Personally, I think Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson are both possessed by the devil, but that's because I'm Catholic, and we believe in such nonsense.

I know religious people don't want same sex couples having sex with each other, or having children, or getting married.

Jesus propably wouldn't want that either.

But Jesus also wouldn't want capitalism. That is a selfish system, and he was all about non-selfishness.

Jesus also would never go for fighting, not fisticuffs, not a war. The biggest pacifist the planet has ever seen was Jesus Christ.

So how do these fuckers get away with invoking Christ's name in the war against terror? It is a mystery to me. But it has to stop.

All Christian denominations need to start preaching the word of God, coming from Jesus, that said love your neighbor, turn the cheek, judge not lest you be judged.

There is a lot of judgeing going on these days. There are a lot of immoral people, people that support the deaths of thousands of innocent people in the name of Christ. Jesus would puke on you. No human life is worth eliminating, he would say.

These are the same people that don't want an abortion to happen, but it's OK to rub out a nine-year old Iraqi girl's life because she was too close to a target.

Wow. What would Jesus say about that.

I'll tell you what he would say.

He would say that is the most fucked up logic he has ever heard, and if he has any say in it, and he'll talk to the big guy on Friday, he would send all people that think a man getting fucked in the ass is worse than an iraqi schoogirl getting her head blown off straight to hell. Unfortunately for the United States, that would be roughly half our population.

He wouldn't swear, and he'd try to tell the hypocritical right why they were dangerous and wrong, but Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell would be too vocal for him, and he would be sick that carried his message. So he'd kill them on national tv, probably a simultaneous head explosion, and then tell everyone else to cut the shit and get right.

And he would be kick ass, and he would say "vote democratic".

[freeman+forest+what's+the+point+bill+stringer+jeff+white+trouble+bullshit+motherfuckers+liars+cheneysucks+bushsucks]

The Scrabble Factor

Jeez, I wrote this six months ago and forgot to post it. It's not that great, and it has been overcome by events, but it was, at the time, a decent theory. The Scrabble Factor.....

The latest CBS News poll shows President Bush at his lowest approval rating of his 5 years in office - 34 percent. 59 percent disapprove of how he is handling his job. This rating could dip even lower as the release of the video tapes indicating he was briefed on the potential of the breach of the New Orleans levees come into the public view. The political pundits will blame these and other factors - such as the Dubai port deal, the medicare policy mess, the recent violence bordering on civil war in Iraq, as contributing to his low poll numbers.

All those things are contributory, obviously. But assuming the American people as a whole pay close enough attention to radically change their opinion of this guy after re-electing him 18 months ago is absurd. Because if the American people cared about truth, integrity and sound policy, they would never have re-elected this fuck. Sound bites and spin drive public opinion. So why isn't it working any more? The themes are still there, but we're not buying it anymore. What gives?

Here's my theory. Bush was refreshingly anti-Clinton. Clinton was the know-it-all suck up in school that you wanted to kick the shit out of. He was also the filthy cheat that pulled dirty tricks on you to win over friends and get his way. But he was brilliant, and he was charismatic. He could make you feel special while he was fucking you over. Bush came off as no-nonsense, grounded, and someone who really didn't seem like he gave a shit about winning. When he was installed as President, a lot of people simply relaxed. He can't do no harm, he's smart enought to be elected President, it'll be ok.

Unfortunately for Bush, it's important to Americans that someone smarter than themselves is running the show. And they were nervous about Bush from the get-go, that's how come they almost elected Al Gore and John Kerry president. Gore was like your pain in the ass aunt who whines about wasting water and green beans, and Kerry was like the scary talking trees in the Wizard of Oz. Bush should have lost to BOTH of them, but he didn't, because we'd rather have a cowboy than a talking tree or a paranoid aunt. But he almost lost to them becuase they were both clearly smarter than he was. But Bush was judged "smart enough" by the american people.

Then 9/11 happened, and he got a really long pass. But slowly but surely, the American people see how this dude is doing his job, and can relate it to simple games of smarts and strategy, and realize they might be able to kick this dude's ass in trivial pursuit.

For the simple folk, they see that it's costing us well over $100 billion dollars a year to prosecute the war in Iraq. They've started to realize that they could probably trick this fucker into buying Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue for thousands of dollars. For the more intelligent Risk players, they see that this dipshit would bulk up in the middle east, which is a losing strategy unless you can roll lucky.

Poker players see how he backed down on the Harriet Meyers nomination. I've got a falwell straight, i guess you say, and he folds every time. Spades players start to realize they'd clean his clock as he assumes he can win a trick by force of will and American Values, rather than a high spade.

But what's driven him so low, I believe, is the scrabble factor. Everyone in this country has been forced to play Scrabble at least once. And if you're good at it, you love it, and if you suck at it, you hate it. And if you suck at it, you vow never to play it again. Millions of americans, who have vowed to never play scrabble again, want to play again. Because they have heard the president speak. They are certain they can beat him. They know there's only one "r" in strategy. They know they can challenge "nuculer". The President doesn't.

Brain Damage - Part 1

OK, so I had a major medical malfunction on 4th of July weekend. Without getting into too many details, I was out of town and had a brain incident. When it happened, I felt something pop in my head, and I was no longer able to stand. I went down, and I don't know whether the trouble I had breathing was related to the fact that I was having a major medical incident, or that I was doing the Fred Sanford in my head (Here I come, Elizabeth). I've thought I was going to die before on Roller Coasters, or riding with a drunk friend on A1A in Daytona Beach, but there was always the probability of survival, death was only a possibility. This was the first time that for a prolonged period of time, like 3 or 4 minutes, I thought I was checking out.

But then I didn't die. But I did have the most incredible headache you can ever believe. It's indescribable. Think about the drunkest you ever got, and then how bad your head hurt in the morning, and then add the power of 3 to that. It was that bad. I couldn't believe I could be alive and in that much head pain.

So, I decided I'd drive home. It was Saturday, I was busy at work, I was only going to be out of town for the day, I was going to work on Sunday and the holiday to meet some bullshit deadlines. One of my friends, however, thought this a poor idea (most thought it a fine idea - get the old dude with a medical condition the fuck out of here). So I was talked into getting checked out at an urgent care place. I told them I had fainted, and had a massive headache, and I just wanted to make sure it was OK to drive 6 hours home before I got checked out by a medical professional. Well they laughed at me like I was Dumbo, and told me that the only Dr. that would see me was at the ER across the street. FUCK. So I went.

They tried to get me to sign releases at the ER, I wouldn't sign. "Take my blood pressure first", I said. "I gotta go home". My friend was incredibly patient through the whole ordeal, because I would have kicked my own ass looking back. Anyway, they took my blood pressure, and it was obscenely high, so something was hideously wrong. I reluctantly signed the papers. I would later find out that those papers said "The aforesigned willingly and without recourse allows this and all medical institutions to deprive the aforesigned of human dignity and all human rights for the next 7 days".

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not dead. But surviving wasn't no peach, neither....

(To Be Continued)

Thomas Kalorama Speaks

Thomas Kalorama Said:

I am back ...and I no longer wish to be cold, afraid or Sick.

I was not learning to juggle -- I was ... learning to cope and to die with grace and dignity. I failed in all regards. So, I guess I am back to instead numb the pain and blunt the confusion by reacting violently to life and screaming. I hope to be able to scream loud enough to: (i) eventually become deaf and therefore free from the disturbing things I hear; and/or (ii) to raise the decible level of the mass primal scream until it eclipses the noise of idiots, industry and money.

I want to live in a treehouse ...

Note to Mr. Forest -- simply stringing together oddly related words/concepts/ideas or adjective does not necessarily make for interesting reading. David Letterman started this unfortunate trend ... it works well for him.

I may have something to say soon.

Reintroducing Thomas Kalorama

My partner in this enterprise, Mr. Thomas Kalorama, has been noticeably absent. That is because he has spent the past six months living in a Montgomery, Alabama self storage facility trying to teach himself how to juggle. Finally, the money ran out, the talent was simply not there, and Mr. Kalorama has returned to civilization to do what he does best, to rail against the man. A little more bitter, a little more brazen, a little more humble, a little less of a pussy. Welcome back, cornhole.

Viva La Papa

OK, so the big story is the death of Pope John Paul II. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, because although I am Catholic, I have pretty much abandoned my faith a long time ago. But the dude deserves some props, and some criticism, so here goes.

Breaking the string of Italian Popes - that was huge. Maybe we thought it would open the door for there to someday be an American Pope, but it was more. Coming from Poland, his people oppressed by the Iron Fist of Soviet Communism, the Karol Wojtyla papacy was immediately about religion AND politics. And he used his position to help bring down the Soviet Union. Welesa could not have been successful without John Paul II. No matter how far you're up Ronald Reagan's ass, you have to recognize that.

And he did use his bully pulpit to highlight the hypocracy of the Western World on issues such as AIDS, famine, third-world poverty and the death penalty. Hey, he and I will never agree on abortion, but he's the dude in charge of religion, so he had to do what he had to do. He never backed down from a fight. Except one.

Why he didn't bring down the swift sword of justice on the culture of pedophilia in the American priesthood is completely beyond me. Yeah, there are priest shortfalls in America, but Christ, keep importing them from Ireland. Find me a Catholic parish in America with a pastor from Ireland, and I'll show you some parishoners that are tickled pink. Yeah, the lawsuits could have bankrupted the Church - but come on, you can't tell me the Holy Father went light on these fuckers for financial reasons. So that leaves only one thing - forgiveness. But that's bullshit - because while Christianity and Catholicism preach forgiveness, they also preach atonement and punishment. That's what the kneeling on beans and confession bullshit is all about.

So, I'll never truly understand why he didn't lay waste to the US Catholic leadership. If he had done that, he would have been the perfect Pope for his time. As it turned out, he was merely the best we could have hoped for.

The next Pope will have an enormous hat to fill. I won't care much, I no longer believe you have to worship a certain way and go through certain motions to earn eternal life. I no longer believe that death will be a joyous occasion that brings us home to Jesus. I genuine hate the hypocracy of American Christianity, which is heavy in condescension and condemnation, and light with compassion and forgiveness. But the Pope is important, he's the world's moral beacon, and he needs to not be an asshole. So I hope the Cardinals get it right. And I also hope they get some pitching and some outfield help.