An Open Letter to John Kerry

Senator,

I recently received, along with many other of your post-election mailings, a request to log onto your website and sign an electronic petition calling for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation. Here's the deal. Cut it out. I can't take 4 years of your weekly bullshit. I agree that Rumsfeld should go, but I don't believe you should be leading the charge. Mainly because I think your motivation is to keep the fire burning for a Kerry 2008 campaign.

You can't win in 2008. A run for the nomination will be as futile as Lieberman's was in 2004. Your fate is to go down in history as the guy who lost by the least to a 2nd term president winning re-election (3%, for trivia buffs). You gave us great hope, you mobilized us in ways we've never been mobilized before, you were able to take the excitement of the Dean movement and marshall it behind your candidacy. You did everything you could do.

Except win. I'm not going to blame Bob Shrum, but I am going to pose the following question: Team B normally wears red jerseys for football games. But sometimes, Team B will wear the green jerseys for special games. Team B's overall record against Team A is 11-14. However, when wearing the green jerseys, team B is 0-8 against Team A.

OK, it's the night of the pep rally, and Coach Kerry says "we're going with Shrum (I mean the green jerseys). If this was the most important election of our lifetime, which was a line Kerry/Edwards uttered more than once, what the fuck were we doing wearing the green jerseys? Did anyone talk to Coach Carville? How could we lose this winnable game at the most important time of the season?

I don't know. Zogby doesn't know. Unless you can prove you were robbed, nobody will ever know. AND, unless you can prove you were robbed, you'll never get another chance. When sports teams blow it, and lose games they are supposed to win, generally the head coach or the manager is fired. The fish rots from the head, they say. You were definately the head of this game plan. You blew the winning hand.

Here's a play on the "Dated Dean, Married Kerry" signs that sprouted up after Iowa and New Hampshire:

Dated Dean
Married Kerry
Rendered Impotent by Kerry
Sodomized by Bush
Approached romantically by Kerry to rekindle the flame
Told Kerry to Get Bent
Jerked off in the closet to pictures of Obama and McCain in anticipation of 2008

Give it up, Senator. It's over.